I understood you.
That's why we made the agreement we made.
We agreed to maintain separate homes for at least 6 months, not talking about my relationship with GG, 1 day a week for no more than 2 hours to talk about our relationship issues, continue practicing the communication skills we've been learning-but using less "boiling" topics, working on our lists of what we want in life and marriage (that's for the therapist-so we CAN build a future), among other things.
But, the two biggest keys was agreeing to something that
isn't "every day shoving this shit down our throats",
isn't running away from it altogether and letting everything fall apart AND
isn't creating a neglected environment for the rest of the family.
So far, so good. We've had a couple days of talking-no argument, no tension, no battle. Mostly-because we know that there is a time and place to address the issues we're struggling with-but this isn't it.
Without knowing a problem WILL be addressed, each passing day creates more anxiety as it's NOT addressed.
If you try to address it every day-you have no time to "be".
So-both ways create more problems.
This one allows for not becoming anxious that shit won't be addressed, without ruining every moment.