Originally Posted by fairydogmother
She has 'broken up' with me several times then always reaches out for me again (intimately) but then dances away again by the light of day. "Ambivalent" or "approach/avoidance" syndrome.
What process do you normally use to accept the fact that something you really want to happen won't? Use that process regarding a romance with her.
You can stop the roller coaster ride of her "come here/get away" game by not hopping on the tracks at the outset. Refuse to be physically intimate with her. Seriously, it reminds me of a man complaining to his doctor that "it hurts when I do this"--the doctor's reply is "then don't do that." If playing that game of hers bothers you, don't play.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.