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Old 04-20-2011, 10:55 PM
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lotheriel79 lotheriel79 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: College Station
Posts: 24
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Oh God Honey I am so sorry.
Trust me I know exactly what you are going through, but from another end of the triangle, as the wife that fell into unrequited love.

I fell so in love with our "M". Kris loved us both. But "M" fell in love with Kris only.
She tried and it hurt to watch her try to force herself to love me. I could not allow her to continue to do that to herself.
After it was over between "M" and me, I too offered to leave the house so she could come be with him. After all.. I can deal with my own pain and rejection, but when I said no to time alone for them it was my own pain tripled, and that I could not take. The needs of the many outway the needs of the few after all. So i was willing to take the pain from them and take it onto myself completely.
However it does still hurt, and it is a VERY good thing that kris and I are such a strong couple or we never would have made it through.
He still sees her at work, and he does still hang out with her. Nothing at all like what it used to be, but they do still get a relationship of some kind.
She will not talk to me. She will not hang out with me. I would love more than anything to at least be able to be her friend, and learn to love her in a different way, but she will not allow that. And it hurts every time. Not because I am jealous of the two of them and their relationship... It hurts because I want that with her as well, and I know it is something I will never have. Our happy memories have become bitter sweet, and hard to think about.

I wish I had some way.. something that I could say that would fix everything for you. But I am afraid that I have not found that way yet. I am still searching for a way to heal as well. I rely alot on Kris. Just to hold me together when I am breaking to pieces inside. I know he is sad over the same, and there is some comfort in numbers, and here we found lots of extra numbers.

Stay strong. do not push her, or she may run. Just be there for her when she needs someone to comfort her, and perhaps if she is willing to accept your comfort, she will come around. I hope she does for you. Never stop talking. Always let her know you are there for her, when ever she may need or want it.

Good luck, and if you figure out something that works, by all means, let me know!! LOL. Kris and I are here to keep you strong, along with many others who have been in your shoes. You are NOT alone.

here is a link to our blog:
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8046
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