Originally Posted by colorado
Is this just plain cheating? Or can you have a 'closeted' polyamorous relationship?
Yes, you are cheating.
There is no such thing as a "closeted" poly relationship. Not in terms of other loves. Poly is based on ethical and consensual non-monogamy. You aren't participating in that.
I understand that you love this man, but you have spent a good deal of time creating something that is very hurtful, deceitful and disrespectful to the men you both love.
There are some interesting threads on here about cheating and what makes a poly relationship work if you are interested... you can find them by doing a tag search for "cheating" "foundations" and "lessons" hope they help sort out where to go next with your situation.