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Old 04-20-2011, 03:47 PM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718

Originally Posted by rory View Post
Also, I am inclined to think "I choose the person who is not making me choose". As in, I choose the freedom to choose, if that makes sense.
I'm with you there! My first impulse on reading this thread's title was to answer: "If both of you are more comfortable with having a veto right, then that's your business." I can accept now that - using the poly definition of "veto" - that then disqualifies you from labelling your relationship "polyamory".

In my own case, I was in a poly relationship (long before the term was coined) for 6 1/2 years. When my GF told me that she wanted to "change the setting" - to commit ourselves to a monogamous relationship - I told her (I'm paraphrasing here): "Your decisions are your own. If you want to be mono, that's up to you. But I'm neither going to ask it of you or expect it of you. And I'm NOT going to be mono..."

I could live happily with only one sexual relationship going. (I'm living [fairly] happily with none at the present time...) But I refuse to limit somebody else' sexual freedom... or accept their right to limit mine.

She walked away from the relationship. But if she hadn't - and had continued to insist on monogamy - I'm sure that I would have walked away eventually.

Sure, she - as a person - was more important than any sexual principles that I might have. [And we continued to be good friends for 18 years after the split as a couple... until she decided to walk away from that friendship as well.] But continuing to sleep with her wasn't (at least, as far as I'm concerned...)
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