Originally Posted by rory
Also, I am inclined to think "I choose the person who is not making me choose". As in, I choose the freedom to choose, if that makes sense.
I'm with you there! My first impulse on reading this thread's title was to answer: "If both
of you are more comfortable with having a veto right, then that's your
business." I can accept now that - using the poly definition of "veto" - that then disqualifies you from labelling your relationship "polyamory".
In my own case, I was in a poly relationship (long before the term was coined) for 6 1/2 years. When my GF told me that she wanted to "change the setting" - to commit ourselves to a monogamous relationship - I told her (I'm paraphrasing here): "Your decisions are your own. If you want to be mono, that's up to you. But I'm neither going to ask it of you or expect it of you. And I
'm NOT going to be mono..."
I could live happily with only one sexual relationship going. (I'm living [fairly
] happily with none
at the present time...) But I refuse
to limit somebody else' sexual freedom... or accept their right to limit mine.
She walked away from the relationship. But if she hadn't - and had continued to insist on monogamy - I'm sure that I would have walked away eventually.
Sure, she - as a person
- was more important than any sexual principles that I might have. [And we continued to be good friends for 18 years after the split as a couple... until she decided to walk away from that friendship as well.] But continuing to sleep with her
wasn't (at least, as far as I