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Old 04-20-2011, 02:42 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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I was thinking on jealousy today in terms of a partner who has loves in their lives and one of them doesn't. That love goes out into the dating world and comes upon someone they really connect with. The experience creates jealousy in the love that already has several partners (this is like my tribe in terms of me and PN, but not necessarily us at the moment... has been in the past though ).

It seems hypocritical no? To be jealous, yet already have all your need met in terms of partners? Yet everyone experiences jealousy in their own way and all peoples emotions are valid. I told Leo this and he was frustrated with this whole thing, because his wife has been like that with us. She has had loves twice that have come to fruition and ended in their time, yet she is jealous of our situation (or something about it) and has been of past women he has been close to...

I guess for me, hearing other peoples experiences with it has really made me realize that my feelings are valid when I know PN is finding new love in another. It makes me feel more sane, more accepting of myself and helps me feel more that I belong and am not crazy. I get jealous, its a fact, it might not seem rational, but there is a reason and I will find it... I might need some help with that sometimes. Is jealousy ever rational though,,, if you think about it?

Jealousy is a huge one for me and almost entirely about a sense of belonging. I have huge abandonment issues that I think will likely haunt me until my dying day, but having to deal with jealousy and walking myself through it has made me have a love/hate relationship with it. If I could control when I have to go through that feeling, like if someone told me I have to go through it 3 times a year and get to pick when, that would lead me closer to... well... tolerance of jealousy.
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