View Single Post
Old 04-19-2011, 08:36 PM
ray's Avatar
ray ray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 819

Tehe, I'm flattered. I hope you get a chance make it to a munch. I loved just hanging out with kinky people. It feels like there's less I have to explain about myself or certain things that they just get.

On a more serious note, my top priority in therapy has been learning to love myself. And the more I've been exploring my interests and allowing myself to be what I want to be, I'm starting to find myself a lot more like-able.

So, my social life has positively exploded since this weekend. I have a sushi date on Saturday, coffee on friday and negotiations to do some wax play at some point in the near future. I feel like men are knocking down my door to hang out with me/play with me (BDSM sense). I'm so not used to this.

Oddly, going on dates makes me incredibly anxious. One reason that I almost never go on dates. They scare the shit out of me. It made it easy with O, we never went on dinner dates alone together. A always came too. I remember for Valentines, I really wanted to go on a date and he said no and I was crushed. I'm going with T, the guy I connected with this weekend. He seems very sweet, men just make me super nervous, esp. once the word date is said or implied. Not to mention, I'm in the midst of finals. Stress, anyone? But I will try to stay calm. *breathes deeply*

The idea of being in a relationship by myself, ie a primary is also terrifying. I'm not sure what it would feel like. Other than scary. O was my first boyfriend, really so I don't know what it's like to date someone without being the third wheel. For some reason, it felt safer having someone else involved.
And this saturday, I'm going to see O for the first time in ages. Believe me, if I never had to see him again, I'd be just fine. Unfortunately...I have to face his existence sooner or later. I'm just afraid of how seeing him will make me feel. I've made so much progress, I don't want it all to be ruined.
Reply With Quote