Originally Posted by Rachelina
I wish my post could have remained separate....now it is lost in this thread which doesn't really apply to my situation. There are some interesting stories here but I couldn't find any about people in a triad or vee having NEW children, to be raised in a polyamorous family with three parents from the very start. Anyone????? or is this not generally done?
If you are in a situation where babies are being actively discussed in a three-adult context, I would suggest you really look into the state laws and what kind of private agreements you can make. Draw up a list of things that need to be discussed and agreed upon. Here are some ideas;
1) If you live separately or somebody moves away at some point, how often can they expect to meet the child?
2) Who is the legal guardian? How many guardians can one child have in your state?
3) Who, if anyone, will claim paternity?
4) Who pays for the child? How will you negotiate financially important investments, like schooling fees?
5) Where will the child live? What if the relationship dissolves? Will you all still continue to live as family or does the child continue living with their birth parent(s)?
6) Where will the child spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays etc.?
7) Whose surname will the child have?
8) Who decides on the child's name? How many first names can one person have in your state?
9) Who will do what? What roles will you assume? Will all be equal co-parents and share in the decision making equally, or will somebody have more of an auntie/uncle position?
10) What if somebody wants to relocate out of state? Will your family form still be recognized in that state?
11) What will you do when there's conflict on decisions regarding the child?
12) If you want to have more than one child but they have different biological parents, should you take measures to prevent social siblings from being forced apart if the relationship ends?
13) What will be the role, if any, possible future partners will have in the child's life?
14) If there's problems with fertility, who will cover the costs of treatment?