Originally Posted by Ariakas
Poly and BDSM is an easy combination (in one respect) due to how regimented BDSM can be. If he is looking for a topping gf, he is literally looking for a jig saw piece to fill a need that can't be fullfilled for some reason. Its not a short coming on your part at all...
I read a very interesting piece on poly and BDSM, which contrasted structured and more open attitudes to polyamory. Ask him what he wants - a girlfriend who is also a top or a Domme. If the latter, what part in his life does he think she will play? What will be the impact on the two of you if he starts a D/s relationship with someone else? D/s can fall into various places on the sexual/non-sexual and occasional bedroom play/24-7 lifestyle spectra.
What does the girlfriend-candidate think of all this?