Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
Is it financially unthinkable at this point for all of you to get into a housing arrangement LR has talked about as her dream situation, where GG would live on his own, LR and Maca would have their own apartment and your eldest with grand baby her own, but everyone would live in close proximity to one another?
I'm thinking of re-modeling a farm or maybe buying a row of houses somewhere a bit isolated. Some such are available every now and then.
No, it's not unthinkable. It can't happen this year-but it WAS our plan to do precisely that at the end of next summer. Unfortunately-Maca can't handle making plans and carrying out little steps. He's an all or nothing person. It's ALL right now-or it's not at all.
So-that is too far away for him.
With him already living in his own place now, the financial strain will mean that we can't afford to do that next summer.
He gets caught up in believing (based on his own fears) that what we've agreed to isn't goign to be "good enough" and then he gets so worked up over what he thinks I will "demand" after that, that he freaks out-flips out on the rest of us and starts throwing verbal darts at GG and I.
It's repetitive and it's destructive. Every step I take for us-gets thrown down the drain and flushed as he attacks me.
Where things stand today-
I don't trust him. He can't stick to a decision for a month-much less long enough for us to actually get anywhere with our lives.
I don't feel safe with him. Anytime he is scared or insecure he attacks me verbally.
He sent a text to me (on accident) that was intended for someone else. It started with "It's insane that I still love her."
He can't understand why that eroded my trust in him further OR why it leaves me doubting the point of making an effort with him.
I can't figure out how to explain it to him-because it's so obvious to me that saying that about me to other people is such a fucked up sign of disrespect and disregard...
He made specific requests of me this weekend. I agreed to them. Yet he continued to accuse me of not caring about him, not being willing to work with them, not being willing to compromise. He was degrading in his assessment of my intentions and generally expressed that he believed I was just fucking with him... I hear all of that and wonder WHY THE HELL would I keep trying? If he thinks that's who I am... why bother?
THen he tells me today-that he's changed his mind. He was being unreasonable and he's sorry.
WTF am I supposed to do with that? Three days of hell only to have him say he was being unreasonable and he's sorry? How long until it happens again?