Long term bf, new gf things are serious with
I've been with my boyfriend 4 and a half years now. Things have always been absolutely perfect - we were the couple all our friends told us they looked up to.
I am bisexual. He has always been open to me being physical with other girls, whether he was around or not, as long as I keep him involved and tell him about what I'm doing. We've played a bit with girls together before, but last summer was the first time we fully brought a girl into our relationship and shared her together. Her and I were friends and I kinda took care of her as if she were my girlfriend but I was never happy. Didn't receive as much loving back as I gave. Eventually my boyfriend came into the picture and we all started fooling around and having fun, but some stuff happened and we stopped having sex with her. I was frustrated and gave up on her because she wasn't that great, to be honest... :/
Around that same time by chance I met another girl I started hanging out with, and right away I could tell things were different. I've never felt such an intense emotional connection with any "playmates" in the past, it was for the most part purely physical and just friendship. I told my bf how I was feeling and he gave me permission to experience those emotions and take this forming relationship with her to wherever it goes. Things took off very quickly from there and I made her my girlfriend within the next month. I fell in love with her almost immediately, and the only other person I have truly loved in my life has been my current bf.
Things started to get hard for my bf when he saw how attached I was getting to her and he started to get a bit lonely. He asked for permission to see the previous girl again and I said it was okay. That went terribly. She treated him horribly and there was just no balance without me around - but I was not interested in her anymore in the least, and was/am not comfortable being with another girl other than my gf at this point. She ended up doing things to upset me so greatly I no longer want her in our lives, and neither does he now. He also tried dating another girl but she had too many issues going on as well and ended up hurting him quickly. The most obvious answer would be for bf to join my gf and I, BUT she is a lesbian and he also is not attracted to her sexually.
All of the drama between other girls and him has scared me and made me want to distance myself in a sense. It's made it hard for me to want to help him find someone else to be with, and honestly he says it's not even what he wants. He doesn't want a "2nd girlfriend." He wants someone him and I can share together. I don't want that right now. Having two relationships, trying to fulfill the needs of two different people and take care of myself, is more than I can handle at this point. I'm just not interested.
Also.. And this is what has really been hurting me and eating me up inside... I am finding myself feeling more and more detached from him. I'm noticing our differences more and more. I never know what to do for fun with him and sometimes I feel awkward. He seems harder to please. The worst part is I feel so distant from him physically and especially sexually. I don't feel as much of a spark and connection when we kiss. I am not interested in sex with him. Throughout most of our relationship it's usually been me initiating sex, I was always the one with a *much* higher libido. I wasn't really satisfied and felt rejected sometimes so I stopped trying as hard over time, and we didn't have sex very often. I tried asking for what I wanted and often times ended up disappointed. I'm not saying it was all bad because when we did have sex a lot of the times it was mind blowing. It's just slowly dissipated. I guess I'd have to say things were at their best when another girl was involved. Which made me happy but also feel inadequate. He is absolutely noticing my disinterest and mentioning it. He has asked if I am less attracted to him, and the answer is, quite possibly...
After being with a girl for the past 6 months, and me already being closer to that end of the sexuality spectrum... My feelings and needs have started to change. I feel the most absolutely intense passion and connection. I feel she knows every little touch my body needs and our kisses feel as if our lips were programmed exactly in tune with one another's. I feel our connection is even more strong because we are both girls and can understand each other on that level. It's just a very different feeling than I've ever had before. She gives me the soft touches and the romance and the sweetness and tenderness... We are 100% compatable sexually and physically and I have never before felt this satisfied. I am feeling I have always needed a girl. She is so clean, always showered and smelling good, always soft and shaved, clothes are always fresh from the wash, always brushes her teeth after we eat so she has fresh breath to kiss me. Bf is very much a man and not so soft and smooth, hairy and not always sparkling clean. Doesn't help in my sexual attraction.
Besides that I just have not really wanted a hard penis coming at me with it's only goal to ejaculate... That's just how I feel sometimes...... It makes it hard for me to relax and enjoy myself. With a girl you can touch and take your time enjoying every sensation and it will feel good and satisfying even if you do not need to cum right away. And if you do cum you can play again as soon as you want, or later that day if you choose to. With boys, he'll be unhappy if he doesn't cum, and that is the main objective. It's harder to take your time because you don't want to lose the erection, and you don't want to cum too quick because unlike girls, the idea of multiple orgasms is rare, as is getting hard again. I just feel unhappy when I think about it and am feeling like it's just something I have to get through to keep him satisfied in the very least. But every time I try to get into it and sorta am waiting til it's over but then I think now what? When are these feelings going to end?? I can't continue like this forever, it's not fair to either of us.
I love and care for him very much. He does so much for me and has always been there supporting me. We understand each other and have a special bond. I trust him completely and know he would never hurt me. I love his family and am close to them. I want him in my life and I respect him. We have very similar goals for where we want to be in life in the long run. I always thought I would marry him and have children.
Lately I have just been feeling so much more fulfilled with my girlfriend and I know I want her in my life forever too... It's hard feeling myself push away from him and want to be near her more and more. I find myself wanting to rush things with her and spend all my time with her. Just to clarify it is more than just physical. We are interested in all the same things, she makes me feel excited and alive, we have a lot of the same goals and are just a perfect match in so many ways. I feel so comfortable and at ease with her and never bored.
I know this post is long already but circumstance is my rent is getting to be too expensive for me lately (I live alone.) My gf's lease is up soon. I have been asking bf the past couple years to move in with me but he needs enough space for his work and we haven't been able to afford somewhere like that. He told me he's not comfortable with me living with my gf before him and I live together but... I'm really having a hard time living alone and not enjoying being responsible for everything myself. I want someone to share it with. There is an affordable house we know we can move into all together but I don't know.
I just have so many things on my mind.