It turns out
part of my response is because my medication levels
were off kilter.
I think I am the only one to see
none of us were ever "on the same page."
Being the one that was sexually abused in the past
I am cautious
but I don't want fear to keep me back
so I have worked very hard
on my barriers.
My couple wants permission to play with that other couple again
and I told them no
sexual activity would be suspended by all parties on my side
until everyone was healed
which means me.
I wonder if it was worth it to them to have a nice time
in exchange for really hurting me
I don't think anyone would wish to be reminded
they hurt someone they say they care about.
And I did not wish to hear
how much they love the other couple
because it still leaves me feeling as if my feelings didn't matter
the misery they knew of
simply their love of another couple.
And their reply? Well they thought they had permission, they thought they had permission.
And I wonder...what person goes out to play when someone they claim to love so much is in her own personal hell ?