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Old 04-17-2011, 08:38 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Well it was quite a weekend.

On Friday Derby and I went out to a party that kept us up all night. We all stayed at a friends house and slept in the same bed. Well, passed out in the same bed. Mono came to bed much later as he thought Derby and I would get it on, but we were too spent by then and I for one thought Mono would be down at any time (shouldn't of assumed, I should of asked him when he was intending to come down to bed...). Still, got a loving cuddle in with my girl and that was really nice.

Mono came to bed at 6 and passed out. He was all over the place with his arms and legs. Heh, I don't want to get into trouble, so I won't go into more detail than that... but needless to say, I had to get out of bed and sleep on the floor and Derby ended up cramped at one side of the bed while Mono had the whole thing! We had a good laugh the next morning and teased him endlessly. I texted Derby's husband several times to tease him about the situation also....

Our friends, in their early morning inhibition, helped by alcohol, confessed that they worried about PN and I. It's not something I haven't heard before but they were concerned that I might be upset that they had mentioned it. I wasn't at all, I like to know what people see from the outside of us. It helps me keep on top of things and access where we are at.

I explained to them that PN and I have a very different life together. He is mild mannered, not a partier in terms of being up all night drinking and being a goof, and is very much a hermit and independent. He doesn't feel comfortable in a large house in the suburbs. It disturbs him to think of the forest that was cut down to create those excessive houses and finds it hard to imagine spending time their when not three years ago he and I protested them being built.

They see it from where they sit as me and Mono being together and get that I would have Derby as a love also. They think that me and PN tolerate each other or deny each other attention and togetherness. Interesting Mono way of looking at things. To them in their life, being together every moment away from work is what one does. Everything is understood as "we" fulfil everything... I don't work like that and neither does PN. I have a way of being that comes out when I am with PN and our friends. I am never not myself, just move through different topics in a certain way.

Really, the loves I have have created in me the very person I want and strive to be. I am completely me when we are all together and when the world is just us. If anyone of them were to leave I would not be the true representation of myself. Sure there are others that could create this that I have accomplished and I don't doubt that change will come and things will shift, but for right now, everything fits.

I looked at PN last night at the party he and I went to. His socialness is more in a community of people that meditate, are spiritual, dancers, burners, more hippyish, environmental, activists in a soft sense of the word... entirely different than the people I spent my time with on Friday night, yet very much the same....

At the party I went to with PN he did his own thing, drank imported elderflower water, compared vegetarian recipes on how to cook a good curry... how to prepare dorian fruit and what the best way to cook burrdock root is. The evening was a variety show of chanting and east indian music, poetry and a local dj who dj's at a oxygen pumped raver bar that serves no alcohol. VERY different than the night before. Yet just as much a good time for me. PN would not of enjoyed my Friday night with Mono and Derby and my friends I spent time with Friday would not of enjoyed (would likely of been uncomfortable) my Saturday night with the people I spent time with then.

I think my poly really encapsulates my ability and desire for diversity in my life. I have never been part of a group and been isolated within it. I have always had a need to glide from one interest to another, one person to another. The parties I have had have never worked if I invite everyone because the different groups just don't mesh when they are all together, or cause me so much anxiety at seeing everyone together that I get panic attacks. The loves I have chosen to be close to understand and are able to not judge different ways of being in people. I love this about them. It means that they love and accept different parts of me too.

Yup, this weekend is ending with a whole lot of "I am of this world and the world is of me" At least in this city on this island,,,, right now.
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