When you have a scab that is annoying you and you keep picking at it what do you do? You put a bandaid on it. You remove it from your sight and work on healing the wound.
From the time that they started the affair he was always near. Always LR had a thing for him going. He has lived in our house for years and years. I spent the first several years taking care of him financially while he was at home trying to help LR school the kids. We never had a chance to heal our relationship. Always a reminder right there. Its not even about him being a bad guy. He would be a friend if he wasnt/hadnt slept with LR while we were not poly.
It really does make a difference to me that LR and I move into other partners as a team. I know, I know everyone is going to say ... "Well the reality is GG and LR didnt start a romantic dynamic in the open, they cheated and lied,but there not anymore, so get over it already and move on. " God I wish it was that easy. Ive tried.
Some people see my back and forth emotional state as being unstable and having personal "issues". The fact of it is, what your seeing ( or rather reading about) is the struggle I have every day that I have to face them as lovers. Some days I manage to work through it , but the scar and the pain is refreshened. Other days the accumaltion of the past few weeks overwhelms me and I crack open like an egg dropped from the top of a ladder.
I do have a very competitive side to me, its one of the reasons LR fell in love with me. I protect that which I care about and I hold on tightly to that which I love. More reasons why LR fell in love with me. The same reasons that she fell in love with me our the reasons that we I cant forgive and get over GG. A different time,place and circumstance things would be completely different.
I dont know what to do anymore. I know that LR has made promises and commitments to GG and she wont break those.But how do I live and not break my promises and commitments to LR with this Ever Presistent Pain?
" NO WORDDIES BE HAPPY"- My 2 year old baby girl