Thread: Just LR
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Old 04-16-2011, 05:52 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi Maca, I hope you don't mind some feedback from me. When you say you can't break through the hurt and anger, I understand and can relate to it. But most of the time, there is a reason why we keep negative feelings around instead of feeling them and letting them burn out. It's like picking at a scab again and again. Because we get something out of it. So, maybe you might want to ask yourself what you get out of revisiting and holding onto the hurt and anger.

Most of the time, it's about stuff like not losing a sense of control over a situation. Do you think if you let it go, you would be dashed to bits and not have any authority in your relationship?

Or we hold onto anger because we feel "right" about being angry, justified, and if we let it go, we lose that indignant righteousness that pumped us up a little bit. It can be an almost addictive kind of satisfaction to feel righteous about something. But in life we basically have two choices: to be right or be alive. To have aliveness means letting go of the need to be right.

I say this to be helpful. I think it's sad that you cannot be as accepting of GG as LR is of your girlfriend. The fact that you even have this girlfriend tells me the hurt and anger you hold onto is a choice you're making, not a response in the moment anymore. Do you get what I'm saying? It will take a lot of work, but when you love someone and the family you've created with them, wouldn't it be worth it to stop being so angry and hurt? You can choose that, you know -- and ultimately that means you'd really be in control instead of controlled by the anger and hurt you keep around. You would be free.

(((Hugs to you & all of you)))
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-16-2011 at 05:57 AM.
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