Originally Posted by stargazer23
My current set of challenges involve "coming out" to myself and finally, to my soon-to-be-ex-husband who has very traditional, monogamist values. All attempts at frank, rational conversation with him on the topic led to more and more mistrust and restrictions and finally, to violent arguing (things thrown, lots of screaming) and verbal abuse.
I am now working on putting myself in a financially stable situation so that I can move with my son to New Orleans--a city more accepting of my "proclivities" where I have friends and am happy.
Oh darn it. Sorry your STBX isn't on board with polyamory. That is unfortunate.
1. I want a "primary" with whom I am also the "primary."
2. I'm pretty sure I want a non-monogamous but secure, committed relationship with this primary where there are "safe sex circle" rules.
3. I want both myself and the primary to be free to have both sexual intimacy as well as the liberty to love others of each primary's choosing--so long as the primary relationship is not placed at risk.
4. I want ALL parties to be treated with the same amount of respect and love and honesty. The "satellite" relationships might not have as much choice in the workings of my relationship with my "primary," but their feelings will matter. Their rights and value will matter.
I've got a primary partner. We've been together over 2 years and dealing with being poly is one of the easiest of our issues. Even when one or the other of us doesn't have a suitable secondary, it's so nice to just be able to check out hot people on the street together and not feel threatened! We have similar taste in men and women we find attractive, so it's real fun!
Since you mentioned that "humans aren't monogamist animals," may I also recommend Sex at Dawn
? It's got tons of data which very convincingly shows humans, like bonobos, are meant to be (promiscuous, poly, swingers) non-monogamous. Pre-agricultural unter/gatherer tribes of 10,000 yrs ago, and present day foraging societies in many countries, share goods/food/child-rearing, as they do their bodies for sex.