Originally Posted by SwtSurNdr
I want them to love each other as I love them both.
We did toss around he and I moving up there and living in her basement apartment so they could get to know each other without commitment.
Hmm, what do you mean by 'they can get to know each other without commitment'? To me, changing states/cities to be with someone is a HUGE commitment already! It means losing contacts both professionally and socially that might not be available or easy to find somewhere else. And although I gather the two of don't have children living with you, what about her grandchildren? Have you considered that children get attached easily and might not adjust well to swift changes in living composition?
Ronnie, it seems, wants you and is okay with getting Peter in the deal. Peter wants you to be happy. You would be at your happiest, I assume, with them both. However, is the plan for Peter and Ronnie to be romantically and sexually involved also?
Would you experience equal tenderness and joy (compersion) if Peter would have someone he loves that is neither you or Ronnie? Maybe a Z situation where you would all live in close proximity as a quad with you and Ronnie being a couple, you and Peter as a couple, and then Peter with a gf of his own who isn't involved with neither you nor Ronnie? I'm just saying that the potential for having a happy functional poly family increase exponentially when you are willing to compromise on the exact structure.