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Old 04-15-2011, 02:20 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186

Originally Posted by stargazer23 View Post
How do you know if a poly or swinger is into you, or just having a good time?
[Note: I can't speak to any experience with swingers, for I don't swing.]

This is an interesting question. I've had to deal with a situation similar recently. It's been an odd experience.

I've long been settled enough that I've just let things work out as they may. A woman may or may not be seriously interested and I just really haven't worried about it. I've enjoyed the company when available and if a woman stayed around for good while, then I'd be convinced she was serious. That's worked well for me.

Recently, I've become very close to a woman who has outright stated that she finds me very attractive--yet I really have no clue what, exactly, that means. I've known her for long enough that were she not serious about wanting to be close, I figure she would have wandered off by now. She's still hanging around and yet there's no dating connection.

I've found myself unsettled by that sort of ambiguity when the attraction seems obvious (other people have asked about it) and yet there's been no sense of what our relationship actually entails. I've had to step back a bit just to clear my head and regain my equilibrium. My sense of my own attractiveness has been rattled--seriously, is she really attracted to me?

Not so long ago I would have simply advised you to wait a while and it'd become obvious what's going on. Sometimes, however, things won't become obvious in a reasonable amount of time and a discussion would be in order.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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