Originally Posted by opalescent
Recently, I had the somewhat startling realization that the more I fuck men, the more I realize I have little in common with many mainstream, straight women.
When I started sleeping with men, I had some expectations - some of which happened and others not. For example, I expected some reaction from my LGBT friends because many people in those communities believe sexuality to be a fixed characteristic. However, that has not been my experience so far.
I've always had sympathy for straight men because, well, I've tried to pick up women too. And I expected that I would learn more about men which has been very true.
I also thought I would align myself more with straight women - that me and straight women would have more in common. After all, I am now doing one of those things that make a straight women - fucking men. I guess I envisioned more bonding over the goofy things men do.
I chat with my guys during pillow talk - admittedly, this is their perceptions - and find that their experiences of dating and being with women surprise me - largely because it does not line up with my experiences of dating women or how I think of myself as female. I'm amazed at how little communication there is, how so much of it seems to be assumed, or extracted solely from behavior. Given my recent experiences, I'm hardly fool-proof at this myself - but I know that communication needs to happen, even if I fail at it sometimes.
I'm also surprised at how passive during sex some women seem to be. Both male lovers have commented that I am more responsive than other partners. SW asked how I was afterwards and I purred back "REAL good" which made him laugh - when I asked why (I didn't mean to be funny) he said that my responsiveness made him chuckle. I told him he must have dated the quietest set of women ever.
Telling a partner they did good just seems the right thing to do. I love feedback myself and have a hard time imagining being with a very quiet, or unresponsive partner. It's difficult to wrap my mind around - I guess I always selected female partners who also love to give and get feedback.
I realize that I am generalizing from a small sample and that not all straight women are quiet in bed or don't communicate well in relationships. I also don't mean that I never connect with straight women, mainstream or otherwise, but I thought sleeping with men would leave me with more in common with straight women. So far, that has not been the case.