So I came across these articles when googling Open Marriage. I am not sure if they are somewhere else on the forum links but I am posting them here. One seems to be a few years old like maybe 2007? Not sure. Anyway sparked some thoughts.
Those who practice open relationships or polyamory often say they are "hardwired" this way and that laying the ground rules for multiple relationships spares everyone hurt and disappointment. Not everyone agrees, with some therapists calling the polyamorous model a recipe for hurt, disappointment, jealousy, and breakups. On one point all agree: a "poly" relationship isn't going to work unless all partners are in favor of the arrangement.
So what does this mean for the "hardwired" person if one or more partners depending on the arrangement is not, never has been or no longer in favor of a poly situation?
I mean even if one is a proponent of monogamy from the getgo how do you all of the sudden negate the value of love for anyone? By this I mean: if monogamy is how I am wired, and I am involved with, married to or otherwise in a relationship with someone of a polyamorous/non-monogamous nature, it seems I am limiting myself by 1) denying myself or my lover the ability to fulfill needs 2) devaluing love in general because it is conditional and 3) setting myself up for failure because how could I possibly be everything to any one person. (I get on my own nerves at least twice a month!
Arguing that about half of marriages end in divorce and many married people are online looking to have affairs, Block says that humans are not monogamous by nature. She adds that when looking at the high divorce rate, no one would accept such poor results as grades in school or performance on the job. "Why should we accept these results in our personal relationships?" she asks. That's why she challenges readers to re-consider their relationships and lifestyles and determine what works for them – and not be limited by societal norms or traditions.
This is where I am. Challenging myself. This is somewhat new. Has been really difficult at times.
I have doubted myself, my own abilities to juggle everything, as well as worried about my and my partners' commitments to our relationships. I have struggled with being a secondary, stuck in a kind of limbo not knowing from day to day what kind of earthquake was about to happen in my life. I have also had to recognize my contribution to the collateral damage of the jealousy, resentment and balance issues because of a multi-partnered arrangement.
It is the most complex and emotional challenge of my life thus far.