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Old 04-14-2011, 07:31 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer23 View Post
My problem is: I'm not at all sure how to go about dating anymore. I mean, in a monogamous world, things are a bit simpler: you meet someone, hit it off and focus on one another exclusively for awhile. In the beginning, there are usually some awkward inner questions: "How does he/she feel about me? Where is this heading? Are we a couple?"
Hmm, from the viewpoint of someone who was/is heavily dating as a single poly, I don't see really any difference. Those questions will haunt you whenever you try to establish a mutually satisfying relationship with anyone. I think in the world of poly, that period of hitting it off and focusing on each other is usually taken care in the form of New Relationship Energy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer23 View Post
In this new world, I'm not sure where I stand with another. I feel it rude and intrusive to presume anything but a little silly asking someone I like in the new stages "How does this work? What's on your mind? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" Such questions always left a bad taste in my mouth in the mono world and I don't see how they should any different here.
I actually had a discussion on this with somebody today. I've encountered two types of poly folks (am not saying there aren't others): those who like to let things evolve into whatever naturally and those who like to know exactly where they stand. And of course one person might swing either way depending on a myriad of other factors. I am of the 'let it be'-school but do sympathize with the 'where we stand'-school. Members of this latter school of thought in the world of (poly) dating often say it is so important to know what the other person thinks of the relationship to avoid misunderstandings, disappointment, and drama. I respect and see this and personally think letting this just be whatever without labels attached is the best way to avoid misunderstandings, disappointment, and drama. Things get complicated when members of these opposing schools want to get it on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer23 View Post
... but I can't help wanting the experience of being thoroughly enamored and to feel that vibe coming back as well. I love the feeling of mutual twitterpation.
Nothing is really standing in the way of that. Being poly does not in any affect your ability to fall in love - you can have a happy giddy NRE trip, and unlike for some mono folks, wanting to experience that again doesn't have to be a reason to leave the established relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer23 View Post
I'm maybe thinking this too much. I'm so new that I'm not even 100% certain what I'm going to want or need.
For me, letting go of expectations and preconceived ideas of what 'my' poly should be like helped tremendously.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer23 View Post
I don't know how to be anything but unabashedly honest in my questions here. If this is a little naive or unpolished, please do set me straight.
I think you are absolutely refreshing in your honesty. Honesty is a virtue many polys hold close to heart.
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