WARNING - non-polyamory related post
There is a piece of paper on my desk that I constantly take a look at. On it I've written the names of the people in my spiritual group and linked everyone together in a circular pattern. Just a little outside of the circle there are two new names that I've been wanting invite to our group.
The problem? Our group would become unwieldy with the addition of TWO new members. Not only would we run out of meeting space and the chances of finding a date to suit everyone would decrease exponentially, there is the much bigger problem of the group no longer being the safe intimate place it is. There would be no longer psychological room for everyone to express themselves as freely as before. The group dynamics would change for good and not in a positive way.
The natural thing to do would be to split the group into two. But nobody really wants that. We have become so close and so comfy and everyone's having such a great time together, which means of course that very little progress is made. But comfort zones are called that for a reason - it would be really uncomfortable to venture far afield beyond them.
Something needs to be done but I console myself with that little note, which sort of serves to symbolize that I am thinking about it. I don't want anyone to lose interest if they are randomly assigned to a new group they are no longer having fun in. I think this calls for a group meeting - everyone should be allowed a say in how they want this to progress. If I am the only one wanting to change then we'll continue as before.
"Resentment destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems the root of our spiritual disease."
"In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper - list people, institutions and principles with whom you are angry. Ask yourself why you are angry."
"In most cases it was found out that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, including sex, were hurt or threatened. We were sore, burnt-up." Alcoholics Anonymous, 64-65.