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Old 04-13-2011, 08:56 PM
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INFJINJTgirl INFJINJTgirl is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: PNW
Posts: 7

Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
Why "ideal" that things "continue on as [they] are"? Can't you hope for them to get better? I mean: your life-mate has (hasn't he?) accepted your feelings for the other man. How about the other man being happy that you feel that way about him (and your life-mate)? How about this growing into a best-case (?) scenario: having 2 life-mates who are so happy to be with you, happy to share you, and happy about the happiness of each other?

I can be cynical about the chances of "happy-ever-after", but hey! Give it your best shot!

Welcome onboard!
for lack of a way to properly label them I shall nickname my life-mate karma and the other gentleman stoic

last year, stoic and I talked about dating. Both of us recognized a variety of different things that would make us dating in the sense of the word of a final goal of finding a life-mate in-congruent with our life goals. So we took a different approach that we both felt suited our situations and personalities. The way things are right now work well for us and I recognize in myself that the arrangement is perfect for me and don't nor even want to change that. Living in house for a variety of reasons would not work well.

Stoic and I have been the way we are for going on two years now in a variety of forms, and knows and is quite delighted that I found a life-mate in karma. With Karma it is a different melding, and one that does fit into at some point moving in-house with me.

Stoic also (I hope) has found his life-mate and that is where my quandary comes in in bringing my own shift in feelings comes in. Part of my reasoning for wanting to tell him is that I am horrible about keeping secrets and it would effect my ability to act normally if I do not. But also a large part of it is to protect him and give him the opportunity to protect his own bond that he has developed with his potential life-mate. I do not consider myself a threat to it, but at the same time I do recognize that just because I know myself, does not mean that it would be perceived as the same in another female. Honesty being the best policy, tis better to know and recuse himself if needed than for me to however unintentionally cause damage to them.

But love, in my definition...means the willingness to put yourself in danger to protect another, to literally throw yourself under the bus if needed. This is part and parcel of that.

In a perfect world, I would be absolutely delighted to have them build their own little house out here and all of us happily share in the duties of what I do here. But that- would be a very long shot.
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