So many years passed...16 or so.
How did I go from a completely monogamous marriage to polyamory?
It was his fault!
No honestly, it was just the perfect storm. Circumstances within both of our marriages- completely separate circumstances not at all similar in my opinion, there was complete trust in eachother, crazy-sexy compatibility and his flirtatious persistence. I was absolutely curious about the non-monogamous aspects of his relationship with KT. He intrigued me, and all I can say is a woman knows when a man wants her. We get that all the time, right? Men hitting on us from the time we hit puberty until the end of time. Usually we can fan it away, disregard, pay no attention and go on with our lives. But there was something more here with 2Rings. I felt it.
I would say that there was a foundation of mutual admiration, respect and FRIENDSHIP. It evolved. Slowly at first, then like a train on a downhill track, it ran wild. I fell in love with 2Rings and there was no stoppong that train or going back up that hill.
We worked together. Spent alot of time talking. About our work happenings, mutual friends (he and I had so many people in common from our younger days but apparently never met), family issues, music, art, politics (usually a heated debate there). And he made/makes me laugh out loud every day. He shared some personal stuff. I had some similar "stuff" in my life. We talked about their swinging. He talked about polyamory. I was really getting turned on by him on a daily basis.
There was one day I remember perfectly. It was the way he looked at me and muttered some flirtatious invitation. There was something in his eyes that told me he was serious. I could feel myself blush, and my heart raced. I became very nervous, like cornered prey. His eyes held me like a deer in headlights. So I did the only thing I could in that situation, the only thing I wanted at that particular moment. I turned it around on him, looked into his eyes and said as seductively as I could, "I am going to call your bluff one of these days." He replied, "Don't threaten me with a good time." For a few moments we were locked in a palpably hot gaze, and then it was broken by someone else popping into the office. We began a series of sexting, and really hot conversations. Soon after that I invited him to an annnual party I have. He attended with KT and the kids, was extremely talkative and energetic. Seemed happy to be there. Interaction outside of work seemed to spark more interest from him. So one day a week or so after that gathering, I beckoned him into a room at work and leaned-in to kiss him. He kissed me back...hard, and pulled me close to him. That was it for me. Lightening. Although we put off having sex, it was apparent that was on the agenda and real soon. He had to okay things with KT. Since they had some experience and interest in non-monogamous practices, he didn't think it would be a problem if we started a sexual relationship. We waited, they talked, debated. About 6 weeks later, after KT meeting with me and disclosing some facts and talking about reservations she had about the working together issues, she okayed it. Then she vetoed it. Then it was okayed again. I would say by mid June it was in full swing.
At the beginning and up until right after the first sexual experience I had with 2Rings, hubs knew very little about this relationship. I told him there was some mutual interest with someone at work. I wasn't sure if anything would come of it, so most of it was kept from hubs. After my meeting with KT and her permission for the relationship to get sexual, 2Rings and I immediately had sex (somewhat unplanned- I had my granny panties on for god's sake!
) I was a bit nervous about some of KT's issues. And confessed to hubs after that first experience.
I had to tell him everything that was going on and about the issues KT had brought up in our discussions. Because of my meeting with KT before 2Rings and I started, I knew she was apprehensive and not really trusting I would disclose everything to hubs, and there would be some detrimental scene made. So I asked hubs (since he did not want to know any more than he needed-his DADT policy) if he would record his permission so that I could share it with KT and 2Rings, basically so they would know he was accepting...not excited about this change in dynamic, but accepting and aware. He did. The rest is history so to speak. You have read some versions of the unfolding of our lives over the last two years in KT's blog and elsewhere on the forum. I have experienced all kinds of changes that I never imagined happening. I have had sexual experiences I never thought I would be interested in exploring, and for the most part I am so happy and excited about my poly. It has been quite a journey so far. That's it for the background. Unless there are queries.
Next post, more about my thoughts on poly and the challenges of being a secondary