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Old 09-24-2009, 08:06 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

Originally Posted by Midnight View Post

Should I go against my instincts and try to find someone else too?
Should we all meet up together and talk about it?
Should I just let myself feel the jealousy, and see what comes up, when I just allow it?

Is this too boring for you interesting people?
Being almost fanatically mono I think I should give a little feedback LOL!

While it is perfectly ok to explore different approaches to loving as long as you are willing and healthy in doing so, there is a certain amount of risk involved.

If you are wired mono like myself, which it sounds like you are, and end up forming a new connection it may cost your husband his wife. I'm saying may, not will. I am very black and white and very sure of how my heart and mind work.

If you try to force your nature to accommodate a new lover, your nature will probably override your intention of maintaining more than one connection of this kind. Romantic, sexual love connections are very different than the love of children or family members. In some people such as me, that connection is completely fulfilled by one person and trust me, faking it with another is not easy and will lead to trouble.

Yes - you should definitely all meet up and talk about it. There has to be a better understanding of what each individual expects.

Definitely allow yourself to feel jealousy and tell your partner about it. Don't let it control you though, analyse it and seek the issues behind those feelings. When you get to the root of your jealousy it is then that you will be able to determine if you can handle this type of relationship.

My situation is much different than yours. I came into an established marriage with holds great respect and power for me. Although I have a romantic/intimate relationship just with Redpepper, I consider myself in a relationship with her and her husband almost as though they are one. That makes my healthy involvement much different than if I was put in your shoes.

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

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