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Old 04-13-2011, 04:50 AM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718

Originally Posted by koifish View Post
I often wondered what sort of discrimination kids of poly parents face. I think they can be raised to feel that poly is normal, but I wonder how they feel when they go to school and learn that most people's parent's are mono.
I think that if you encourage in them a strong sense of worth, of love, and of understanding for those who are different, and encourage their strength of character, you can see through the troubles.

There will always be prejudices. Teach your kids about them. If you know some children who are likely to face prejudice for other reasons than your own, encourage the friendship. Once they're friends for some time, you might have a conversation something like (but don't force it):

You: "Well, you know that some people don't think that Sally is worth having as a friend, because she's got Down's Syndrome (or is an immigrant who doesn't speak the language perfectly - or whatever the case). But - you know? - when she gives me that big smile every time she sees me, I'm so glad that she's my friend!"
Your child: "Yeah! Me too!... Some people can be so stupid."
You: "I don't know if they're stupid. Maybe they just never had the luck to get to know Sally well. But it is pretty stupid to make up your mind about somebody that you don't even know..."

Once your child has defended somebody else' right to be different, it'll help them not to feel like such a victim if they ever face prejudice. (And, of course, you'll be there for them.)


I have this story I never tire of telling: A friend of mine got pregnant quite young, before she realised/accepted that she was lesbian, had a boy child as a single mother. Her father had his suspicions about her, but no certainty. At one point he told her sister (who did know about my friend's sexuality and passed the comment on): "If I were sure that she was a lesbian, I'd go to court and get them to give me custody of the boy. She wouldn't be a fit mother."

[I have met this man once when he travelled with his wife from their home-country to the country where their daughter and grandson were long-term visiting (in the shared house where I lived - I met them {mother and son} when they moved in, when he was 5+ {he had his 6th birthday at our house}). He (the grandfather) was one of the most unfit people to have custody of a child that I've ever had lunch with. He had this big paunch, and wouldn't stop sniping at his wife about her weight. ("Gotta watch what you eat! You're getting fat." - to the rest of us) He didn't put any limits on the amount that he was tucking away! Putting his wife and daughter down in front of - to him - total strangers, ing as if we found his offensive jibes witty.]

They (mother and son) moved back to their home country (a rather macho one) and she brought him up - through a succession of lesbian relationships, with and without support - to face the jibes of the ignorant. We've maintained contact over the years, they've each separately visited me - far too seldom for my taste. (I think that he made his first visit across the ocean alone - to visit mainly an ex-girlfriend of his mother's (the one that she was with when we all shared a house) - when he was 15.) He's one of the finest young men that I know and I've told them both that they have every reason to be proud of each other.

And I don't tire of telling people that she's the most fit mother of my acquaintance.

Not a poly story, but the parallel's there.
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