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Old 04-13-2011, 12:39 AM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718
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I may be a bit nave here, but when you write:
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonart View Post
My husband has reconnected, on a very powerful level, with an old girlfriend. This woman is someone he has loved for 11 years.
do you mean reconnected sexually? Or haven't they crossed that boundary (yet)? Since you follow that with
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonart View Post
I am trying to be supportive of how he feels and how they want their relationship to go.
[I've added the underlining.]

Does it matter? Aren't they cheating if they feel strongly about each other and keep that secret from her husband? (Rhetorical question - I don't know: I know that to some husbands the sex / no sex question would play a determining factor. I'd be willing to bet that your husband is one of them.)

What I want to concentrate on is this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonart View Post
My husband was very adamant that he wanted a monogamist relationship as part of getting back together. Which I was undecided about but didn't want to open things up again if he was not on board for that. [...] My husband has reconnected, on a very powerful level, with an old girlfriend. [...] I am trying to be supportive of how he feels and how they want their relationship to go.
Do I infer from this that you left your husband because he had problems with your polyamory, got together again with the commitment - against your personal feelings - to monogamy... and now that he wants another relationship, you're supposed to go along with that?

Does your husband always change the rules to suit himself? Must you always kowtow to his whims? Do you know the song "We're Not Over Yet"?

The way you play this game by holding all the aces
The way you change the rules so you can always win
When you cash my cheques or steal my car or smoke my cigarettes
Then I know, were not over yet
Then I know, were not over yet
Quote:
With a marriage therapist (who is very pro-monogamy), me and my husband have made great progress and I am back with him.
Another ace up your husband's sleeve.

I'm not so sure that you need to be worrying about his relationship with this old love of his.

Maybe you should be worrying about his relationship with you.
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