OK, now that I've lubricated my brain.....
I have the higher libido is both relationships. It is far from easy.
Masturbation helps immensely. It helps relieve the sexual stress I feel within myself so that I'm not quite so demanding on my partners which relieves the over all stress.
Breathes and I talk about it occasionally, just to make sure we're both on the same page.
Others on this thread have suggested other forms of sex to help relieve the pressure. If your guy isn't feeling sexy, aroused, then the other forms probably won't help. We've talked about it and Breathes' POV is that if he's not feeling in the mood then giving any form of sex to me isn't going to work because he just won't be able to function in that capacity.
For me sex IS all in the mind. If I'm feelling sexy, admittedly it doesn't take much for that to be, then I'm ready, willing and able to perform. If Breathes is feeling attractive, sexy then the odds are really good that some form of sex will happen. We're still experimenting with things which will enable him to feel more amorous more often. Those things which DON'T work aren't counted as failures, they're counted as a learning experience and we go on to try something else.
I would STRONGLY suggest the therapy. Check with your doctor and the local United Way. Your Doc may have some resources, or know of some, which you haven't thought of or know of. Here the United Way supports the local councelling services and offer a sliding scale payment plan based on your particular situation. If you're students your college/university might have some free services as well.
Another thought......have the two of you thought of maybe becoming secondaries to each other? It might not hurt to at least talk about this option. It might take some of the pressure off of him to be 'always' ready to perform and it would maybe give you the 'permission' you need in order to become emotionally attached to other partners.
Growing up most of my friends were male. My 15 y/o son has mostly female friends. He's learning it's not easy to handle having a partner who has more opposite sex friends than same sex but he's LEARNING.
Just because you have more male friends doesn't mean you're sleeping with every one of them, does it? Just because he has more female friends doesn't mean he's sleeping with each of them, does it? We, as human beings, NEED socialization. Socialization gives us that feeling of being wanted and needed, it gives us a chance to use our brain for more than just sex. In my mind socialization is one of the basics NEEDS (food, clothing, shelter & socialization).
Tonberry was right in so very many ways.
Lots of food for thought and ideas. Good luck.
There are as many ways to do polyamory as there are people practicing it!
Last edited by Breathesgirl; 04-12-2011 at 10:07 PM.
Reason: grammar, call me a stickler