It sounds like it's time for a serious sit down conversation and boundary list making meeting.
It might be a good idea to get the book "Opening Up" so that you can use the lists in it as a guideline for what topics to address and decide on together.
The book is "so so" in my opinion in terms of reading it cover to cover-but the lists can be a HUGE help. I'd try the library first, but often you can find it on Amazon used for cheap.
Then, it's time for a deep heart to heart talk together.
"Love As Thou Wilt"