I'll call you JeRY, until you urge me otherwise. Why? I was JRM in here for a while, and now I'm just River, but it'll take time for that to settle without confusing folks -- and they may mistake JR ... bla bla bla....
It isn't that I've thought about all of that so much as that I've lived my way through it, and learned from the living of it. I LOVE sex, but for me sex is much less important than loving and being loved. Sex WITH love is GREAT! Bla bla bla.
It may be that you don't want to get down and dirty on a public forum, so I'm happy to offer to assist off-forum, if you'd like. But there are parts of all of this stuff that hasn't been laid bare in here, I'm sure. For example, your description of your husband and you as having almost no sexual life together, his lack of libido/eros charge (apparently?).... And your description of yourself as much more interested in sex.
But, deep down, I think what you want is LOVING sex -- not just sex. And I wouldn't be surprised if there were not, somewhere in your psyche, some resentment toward your husband for his lack of ... what? erotic enthusiasm -- toward you?
I may be way off the mark ... but, honey, he's being dragged over the coals, and your turn's gotta be not so far behind. That's just how this shit works. I know -- I've been married twice -- for a cumulative of almost twenty years! (though at different times!).