Thanks River. You've obviously been through a lot of thought on all this in the past. Truly appreciated.
Just call me JR if that's easier.
My husband is a quiet guy; a processor. That makes things like this very challenging...he has to collect information, process it, and then make his decisions. It's hard to get him to process on-the-fly, which is what I'm good at.
I'm trying to behave as normally as possible, including hugs, sleeping-snuggling, little kisses--things we've always done. We spend TONS of time together, just like always. He, of course, is questioning, "but is it quality time?" However, I sense he suddenly thinks those things are patronizing. He's a very deep person, and does not wear his heart on his sleeve. I'm the exact opposite.
I'm ridiculously scared. In some ways I feel I've done irreparable damage to our relationship, and that my belief in openness and honesty has totally backfired. It makes me wonder if I can ever feel safe again, too.
An easy answer from friends is likely to be, "just dump your boyfriend." But that wouldn't negate the fact that I've learned I can have intense feelings for more than one person, call it love. Plus, unless my husband gets his head and heart around all of this, there will forever be his fear that every man I meet is a potential threat.
I don't want threats. I want a husband, and "friends with benefits," and yes, a boyfriend for as long as he and I choose to spend time together.
River, your quote "whatever is TRUE," is really confusing. At a time like this, it seems the mind begins to play tricks, perhaps in its own effort to mitigate damage. I'm doing my best to breathe, focus, keep my job going, thrive, and love everyone...including myself.
Last edited by jryyc1; 09-24-2009 at 06:13 PM.