Originally Posted by JenAgain
He thinks I want to fuck every guy that I talk to, and that if I say that I love them, that means I want to screw them.
While I know that the things I said were ridiculous, and I really don't think you want to screw everybody you see, the feelings behind that statement were genuine. Hurt, anger, jealousy.... I've been feeling very hurt lately... It hurts that she wants more than me. That I can't give enough love, enough sex, enough anything for her to be happy. It just absolutely kills me, since I am happy with everything I get from Jen.
Now it's like I'm taking my anger out on her a bit. The fight over the weekend, and last night a bit too. I had a hand wringing thing again last night, and couldn't go to sleep last night. I sat in bed for about an hour and a half before I said screw it, and came out to the living room. Jen was asleep, but she was trying to comfort me if I was laying down (I was in and out of bed a few times). I didn't want to have any of it, and kept scooting over. Her touch wasn't comforting at all, which just made the wringing worse. I finally took some Tylenol PM so I could fall asleep.
She finally woke up, and asked if I was angry at her... I told her no, so that way we could go to sleep. I'm not angry at her... I don't know. I'm just not sure what to feel sometimes, and what my feelings are focused on.
Last week was a nice reprieve though. It was nice not having wringing episodes every day, and having something poly related filling my thoughts all the time. I didn't like just pushing the thought out of my mind every time the word poly came up, since it's just ignoring the issue, but like I said it was nice.
Jen thinks that if nothing poly related is going on, that it'll be easier on me. While this is sort of true, it's just the concept of poly that I have the problem with, so it's always going on, as far as my thought patterns go.