Originally Posted by JenAgain
Love and sex are not synonymous.
We are having some issues with this as well. Another thing -- sex can be "making love" or "fucking" or some blend of the two -- ?
For us, poly and drinking are not a good mix. We've found that out, too. But -- we do still play with that fire.
Sounds like you two have some of the same codependency issues we have been struggling with. I hope the counselor will help -- ours was invaluable. I still have a lot of confusion about what is "healthy" and what is codependent in a marriage. We have created some deep grooves in our relational patterns and it's not always easy to reconsider some of them, let alone trying to change them.
Poly was so freeing for me because it is outside of the conventional restraints and expectations of marriage. Yet Sundance was very comfortable within those conventions, and now I've gone and rocked the boat.... I'm still not so sure we're not going to capsize at any given moment. Especially when his anger flares up. It's scary and sometimes (USUALLY) it catches me off guard. I try and detach when I can, from feeling responsible for his outbursts of anger -- I mean, I don't explode like he does, so I don't understand. As for me, I get angry but I usually try to keep my cool until I can speak rationally. I mean, I really work at this -- he doesn't always. To me, it's just not ok to take my anger out on someone else. But isn't it ok for him to EXPRESS his anger? Sure -- I just can't be overly sensitive, maybe? I mean, he isn't physically violent, ever. But he does say hurtful things. He always apologizes for that later. And it goes back to that cycle, where I know I am asking too much of him, to accept something that is just not acceptable to him -- at least not all the time. I can't always predict when one of those times he ISN'T acceptable of it, will be...
So here we are on this roller coaster ride (I prefer that to MERRY-GO-ROUND, but sometimes that feels like a better analogy
) (It's not an especially happy day in poly world, for me today.)