So yesterday night I came clean to Mum. About everything.
1) Sweetheart. She asked me if I am going to fall apart in the case he dies on duty. I said it's better to have loved and lost than not having loved at all. She disagrees.
2) Mr. and Mrs. Sweets. She fears that when I inevitably at some point want to find a partner to get married to and have children with, this will be a phase of my life I will have to hide in fear of it ever coming out. I think she feels I've swam so far against the mainstream that I risk drowning, that somehow I will be 'ruined goods' for 'normal' relationships from now on.
She expressed how surprised she was that she has not been successful in transmitting any of her values to me. She fears I will burn badly and is so sorry to know I have no self-respect. I told her that my self-respect isn't as intimately tied to the details of my sex life as she implies. She says she doesn't get it, that she comes from such a different culture and viewpoint that there's no point arguing over it.
She feels this is just me looking for self-validation and acceptance through sex. I disagree. Sex is the least part of this lifestyle but I don't know how to explain it to her. She asked me if I was cheating on my ex. She said she wonders if I am capable of sexual fidelity at all, or if I'm doomed to cheat on my partners and incapable of monogamy (for clarification, I've never cheated, and am more than capable of sexual fidelity).
I decided to come clean when after being caught in yet another lie, I told her that I fear she will not be able to handle the truth. She said so many people have lied to her in her life, all meaning well, all trying to protect her, that she was sick to her stomach with it. So I told her everything. She said it was I who was afraid of people abandoning me if they knew the truth about me, which is very true, I think. Here's to my mono Mum giving me a lesson in the dangers of projecting our feelings to our partners in intimate relationships
Tonight I am going to see a recital and then we have a tv night with Mum. I wanted to share this in case there are people on this forum who still live with their parents or are otherwise in daily contact with them and find it exceedingly impractical and taxing to hide the specifics of their love lives from their folks. In sort of 'this is what you might expect' kind of way.