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Old 04-12-2011, 10:07 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
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Wow! Heavy stuff going on! I'm glad that the fight with Drew calmed down and that he apologised, but it indicated that there's something serious there. It's up to him if he wants to work on it.

Getting drunk (or stoned) often works to let the inhibitions crumble and the truth comes out. When we're sober, we can usually pretty much control what we do and say. Some people even control what they think that they believe... or what they think that they feel. That might mean what we believe others want us to say or how they expect us to act. When we're drunk (or stoned) it's harder to make sure those little "unacceptable, unreasonable" things stay hidden.

So Drew might be "trying to be understanding" and hiding from you (and himself?) just how angry he really is deep down about this poly thing.

In my opinion, it's not enough just to try and stay sober, because the getting drunk does tell you both a truth: that there's real anger there. It's that that you, Jen, have to realise and work with... and Drew (I hope) will want to work on getting rid of his anger - not just hiding it successfully, so that both of you can pretend that it's not there. (In that case, expect another explosion sometime.)

If it's any help, I've (personally) found that getting stoned is better than getting drunk at uncorking the bottle and then also giving you insight and willingness to change. I was once on not-speaking-to-you terms with a neighbour for a year and a half. (And this was in a tiny neighbourhood of maybe a dozen people.) This also started as a misunderstanding and a bout of jealousy (on his part). The fact that I didn't get stoned often is illustrated by the fact that I didn't in all that time. But when I did... it hit me hard! And when I did, I thought: "How ridiculous we're both being!" The next time I saw him (and I wasn't stoned then), I asked him for a hug.

And you should have seen the mixture of relief and joy on his face!

[Legal warning: Illegal drugs are illegal for a good reason - they are dangerous! Please don't fuck wit' drugs. The former 2 paragraphs should not be construed under any circumstances as the author's wish to condone drug use.]
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