Thread: Just LR
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Old 04-11-2011, 10:25 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Originally Posted by ray View Post
I'm so sorry, LR. (((Hugs)))
Thank you. Right now a real life hug would be amazing. Don't get me wrong, the kids rock at giving them random (and kisses) but it's not really reasonable to break down and sob on your kids shoulder.

WTF??? What happened? I thought you two were moving toward some sort of better, more mindful place where things were being repaired. Wasn't that the point of moving out, making all those lists, working on stuff together and separately?
That's what I thought too. But, he started pulling away and distancing himself from me-beyond that. He cancelled our date night Friday. Blew off the goal meeting Saturday. I asked him (in tears) yesterday about it, told him it felt like he was shutting me out and I didn't know what I'd done wrong.
He informed me that he was shutting me out and that he simply doesn't want to see or hear anything about my relationship with GG.

Near the end I was telling him that I understand how hard it is to let go of the past and forgive someone so you can move on because I had to decide to do that with him. I had to face the fact that to be with him meant accepting and forgiving completely, because every day it's his hands that touch me, the same hands that raped me, his body, his face, all the same that raped me. If I didn't actually face down the whole thing and work through every issue, there's no way I could have come back to him all of those years ago and spent all of these years with him.
He got vindictive and spat out at me, "Yeah, but I don't rape you every day." I shut the door and he sped out of here, truck spitting gravel in the air.

What I didn't say was, "You're right and I haven't cheated, lied, or dishonored you in any way since September 25th, 2009. But, I'm still suffering the punishment of your hatred."

How can he hate GG after he saw the good things he did for the family when your daughter was having her baby?
I guess you'll have to ask him that. In my opinion the answer is becuase it's easier to hate GG than it is to admit that he's responsible for his own life and if it sucks, it's his own fault. If his relationships are failing, one after another, it's his own fault. It's easier to blame the scapegoat (GG) then face that he's choosing to destroy his life.
BUT-that's just my opinion.

Didn't Maca praise and express appreciation for GG when he saw what a stand-up guy he is?
Yes, yes he did.

What could have caused this turn-around, I wonder? Do you think he's being influenced by someone with poisonous opinions?
He does this so repeatedly its like a fucking merry-go-round. Every couple of weeks. When he's forced to face the facts, he knows that GG IS a stand up guy, DOES love everyone in this family and HAS CONTINUED to put everything he has into helping this family, the WHOLE family survive-Maca included.
BUT-when he's forced to face that HE HAS TO ADMIT THAT HE FUCKED UP HIS OWN RELATIONSHIPS, he flees in the face of the work that goes along with fixing himself and suddenly it's all about hating GG again.

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Oh fuck, this is bad.

Distance & time. Don't make life-altering decisions right now. If you break up with anyone at this point it might be hard to take back later.
I did break it off with GG. He's being completely understanding that what I need from him now-is a friend, not a lover.

Thankfully, in that one relationship, I choose well. I choose a man who understands that just because you can't be a couple at a given moment doesn't mean you don't love each other
just because you love each other doesn't mean that you're capable of being together at any given moment.

He's committed to the family, not to the sexual aspect of our relationship. He's helping me get the rest of the stuff out of the garage, then we're going to convert it to a bedroom for me.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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