Well I come to you now... to say that he's acting strange maybe every other time I see him. Some days, he wants to cuddle and hang around me with all the looks and hints of affection. Other times he's not very interested in having "too much fun" and often retreats to things he's comfortable with, leaving me bored and restless, waiting for the real him to resurface. Alas, I am realizing that if his feelings are so fleeting, that perhaps this isn't the best situation for me.
I have always thought that being "in love" was something that needed to be mutual. You never get the full experience of a healthy relationship with someone unless you get all the bells and whistles of feeling the love returned. His wavering heart, effort, appreciation, and in some ways respect has me feeling a little foolish, but that is NRE for you. I keep thinking back to my dating rules when I was single, and I think I may have broken a few of them. I do not like to waste my time on someone that's not really into me...
So, I will linger in the background, remembering some of the better times, but still living in the reality that is his fleeting love for me. I am strong enough to move past this, and adapt to what I need. I have a huge long list of things to do for myself anyway, and the distraction that is this confusing chaotic situation is not helping.
Will keep updated, just for those who may be in my situation - if not now, then later.