I don't believe that there's much point in saying I'm in a poly-relationship anymore.
Maca has acknowledged to me today that he is in fact distancing himself from me and pulling away from me. He says it's because he doesn't want to see (or hear about) my relationship with GG.
Our conversation ended when he said, "I don't rape you every day". Yes, that's true. But, I don't cheat or lie every day either. In fact I haven't done so in 18 months and he's acknowledged that he has continued to struggle with being fully honest with me.
He doesn't see the comparison, I can't not see the comparison.
It's beyond destructive for me that he continues to excuse his past mistakes by saying that he doesn't do it anymore.
But, he can't forgive me my past mistakes even though he knows I don't do it anymore either.
I don't see any way to resolve our differences. I've searched and attempted to find ways that I can change to make things easier for him. I've tried to help him find ways to learn to deal with me.
But, the bottom line is-he hates GG. He believes he has every right to hate GG, which is true. I believe that hating GG is only destroying our lives, which is also true. There's nothing left for me to do.
After he sped out of the driveway this evening, leaving our kids in emotional upheaval again, I texted him that from now on we can make exchanges of the kids somewhere else, but I don't want him to come back to the house or driveway anymore.
My heart is broken.
I have lost faith in relationships.
I have lost faith in trying.
I've lost hope.
If it wouldn't be more devastating for the kids, I'd end the relationship with GG as well. I simply don't want to have a romantic relationship at all. However, I think that GG and I can manage to terminate the romantic relationship without him having to abandon the family. So, that is what I intend to do.
"Love As Thou Wilt"