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Old 04-11-2011, 12:16 AM
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MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 192

I'm really sorry that things have gone in this direction.

If you apply the seven stages of grief, it sounds like your fiance is stuck in what we used to call "the pit of despair." It's the middle stages of 3. Anger and Bargainning and 4. Depression, reflection and loneliness. My view is that you can't presume any particular outcome while someone is in that state. You just need to understand that he's grieving and do your best to be helpful while he is. There's no easy guideline as to how long this will take.

This is one of those moments where you simply have to realize that you can only control what you do and say - your choices. Your fiance will make his own choices in due time. The only advice I can give is to not shy away from seeing his pain (even if it manifests as anger and blaming you) and respond lovingly to that pain and not the particular manifestation (assuming it's not harmful to you).

While he's grieving, I'm not sure there's anything else to be done.

Once he starts making clear choices, then you can choose your own reactions to deal with that...

I feel for you though, it's a sucky place to be. Exercise some patience plus a high dose of loving behavior until things become more clear.
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“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”
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Last edited by MindfulAgony; 04-11-2011 at 02:19 AM. Reason: spelling!
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