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Old 04-10-2011, 07:20 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Originally Posted by Sandy View Post
It's always been difficult for us to have a sexual relationship because he doesn't initiate sex, is never dominant, and had really bad experiences with past girlfriends and was even abused by a stranger one night while a cop just watched across the street and didn't help. Since the beginning, we have had many ongoing periods of celibacy.
Yep yep, rings SO many bells at once. Feminine, doesn't initiate, prefers to receive (esp. oral sex) but isn't keen on reciprocating, sometimes braces himself for a duty fuck to avoid arguments.

Originally Posted by Sandy View Post
I feel not feminine enough (especially since he is very feminine and so are his girl friends), not sexy enough, just not enough.
The one thing that is really hard for many women in our culture is the idea that to be really desirable women, we need to wanted by a man. Desperately wanted. I know many women to whom a great part of their sexual pleasure results from being wanted, which feeds into their own desire.

Originally Posted by Sandy View Post
When he does finally initiate sex, I feel like it's "now or never" and sometimes just force myself to do it even if I don't want to. I hate the pressure. Sometimes (very rarely) he'll just roll over in bed and poke me with his erection and I get so disgusted with him because he's not willing after all that time to take the time to seduce me. I've started to resent him when he jacks-off (which I never had a problem with before) because I feel like he's taking an opportunity away from me.
How receptive are you to penetration vs. say, oral sex? Do you feel you absolutely need to have his cock inside you or would there be other ways to go about it with no hard-ons absolutely necessary?

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Is is possible he is gay or bi and has not come to terms with it? You said he is effeminate. Of course, there are plenty of straight femme men, but I am just wondering...
Yep, or he could be a bottom and really non-functional, at this point, in any other roles.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
So... masturbating when you've got a hot partner you wish you were sexing can feel very sad. One way my gf and I deal with it is, she never minds when I have to jill off, and quite often she "helps" me to do it, by embracing me, or touching my breasts or doing various other things, with the understanding I don't touch her erogenous zones when that is going on. It's OK if I kiss her, or touch her shoulders, or hips, or belly.
Yeah, this has helped me a lot in the past. Honestly, there are so many different kinds of sex to be had, and you can explore & enjoy so many things alone or with your partner's support; self-educate, learn new techniques, shop, discuss, meditate, write, watch...
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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