I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It seems no one is able to be there for you in the way you desire and need. My immediate thoughts?
1) Hubby sounds like a serial monogamist, not poly.
2) Him divorcing you to be with someone he, according to his own words, loves more, leaves with you with NO obligations whatsoever to your relationship IMHO.
3) If you want to be with your best friend, it's time to fess up. Look around for tags on 'cheating' and brace yourself.
4) It might be that your best friend is not willing to risk her relationship with her man to be with you. I'd suggest trying to hit the lesbian dating scene anyway, to find about, if that bothers you, if you have sexualove for this particular friend only or for women in general.
I feel for you. My sweetheart is military too, and married to ex-military.
Me: bi female in my twenties