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Old 04-10-2011, 06:15 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
This went on for a year, she started to have regrets and didn't know if she wanted to continue, I said ok. But then she would always initiate sex with me and not wanting to reject her we would. Finally they moved about 15 minutes away and never heard from them again. No closure no reason no nothing. It killed me for about a year took me another year just to want to make friends with anyone. I was afraid of being left again.
This sucks, but it's in the past. These are different people, different dynamics, HOPEFULLY more emotional maturity and ability to deal. Are you clear with them that you wish this to evolve beyond swinging? At least that's what I took your comment about your kids getting to know them to mean.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I told hubby to go ahead and kids and I would just stay home. He did and after dinner apparently my hubby and her started to make out. I called and asked when he might be home since my fever was getting worse. He said I will be leaving and home in an hour I said ok. Well an hour and a half past by and I called in fear of something happening to him.
How are you with mobile phones? I have people in my life who have real probs with mobile phones, in that they use them to alleviate anxiety around close relationships. Their near and dear need to be always just a call away, and if for whatever reason cannot be reached, their anxiety will increase to a breaking point and they lash out.

You said that they apparently started to make out? So you don't know what they were doing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
...I left the room till she got the hint I was upset and left to go home.
This is not a healthy communication pattern in the long run. I suggest you stop 'giving hints' and start talking when something upsets you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I trust my hubby that he would not let it happen again. But I dont feel I can trust her.
So you think she would jump your hub and rape him if the two of them are left alone? Not trusting her IS not trusting him. It takes two to tango.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I also sometimes get jealous of the emotional bond that hubby and her have. Since I don't feel the same kind of bond with my bf.
I think you could really benefit from some advice on jealousy management. Do a tag search on that - loads of people struggle with the same issues.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
It sounds like you had no boundary and decided after to make ones because of your emotional reaction. Actually it sounds more like a rule to me. That is a bit different.
Making rules after the fact might create resentment. Talk about your jealousy - sometimes it alone might help loads.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
What do you hope to gain by this situation? I don't see any room for a future here. Quad sex gets old pretty fast usually. It's fun at the beginning, but eventually those involved develop more feelings for certain members than others and want alone time.
I'm all for group sex, but it has it's time and place. For me, it's best in the getting-to-know -phase, and can be really hot in moderation. But for me, real connection happens in one-on-one sex. If you'd allow yourself to go more with the flow, you might find yourself developing more of an emotional bond with your bf also.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
As to no gestures in front of kids. That makes sense to me... especially at this early stage.
Yep, kids are definitely old enough to start asking questions. Good call!
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