You have a lot of stuff going on here, and I wish I had some way to address more of your questions specifically. But for now I think I'll just make a couple comments to call it like I see it, and let you answer some of the resulting questions yourself.
1) Getting involved with those in a close circle of friends is risky business. There's a lot more interpersonal dynamics already established, and far more connections than if you just met the guy somewhere else. You're already seeing some of that.
That's not to say it's impossible, but it can be tricky...and for my circle of close friends, I'm back to saying that I've never seen a relationship that started inside the circle turn out well (the last inter-circle couple just divorced last year).
At any rate, poly is pretty complicated most days...so trying to manage your circle of friends with it at the same time...that's just extra complication.
2) You're fwb, boy toy, whatever friend you want to call him...it doesn't sound as if you have a whole lot of grounds to start dictating his activities... not in the way you and your bf have, where there are some negotiated boundaries. Do you really want to try putting reigns on your FWB and your female friend? Is it reasonable to expect them to play along?
3) You seem to overall be playing slave to your hormones. I often see excuses made about "I know I shouldn't have slept with them, but I couldn't help it", "I can't choose who I fall in love with", "I didn't mean to sleep with them, it was an accident!"...
Yes, many people have little control of their emotions, and less control over the hormone cocktails which frequently lead to poor decision making and give us NRE brain.
But at the end of the day, do you really want your life to be ruled by your heart? Or your head? It's not actually a binary choice, it can be both. The trick it to get your head and heart reading off the same song sheet, and that's where I most often find harmony.