I'm having a hard time seeing how you and your boyfriend have been "polyamorous and have been for 4 years". You talked about how you don't want to just have sexual relationships with no emotional connection, and how you've treated sex with others "cheaply" so as to not "betray" your boyfriend. Polyamory is about having emotional connections as opposed to "casual" sex or "swinging" with no strings and no emotional attachment/connection. Have the two of you really explored what it is to be polyamorous?? Did you not anticipate jealousy coming up? There's lots of resources on this site for such an exploration, but I'm not certain that what the two of you are debating is whether or not to have a polyamorous relationship as much as whether or not to have an "open" relationship or "swinging". Perhaps I'm totally misunderstanding your situation???