Thread: Just LR
View Single Post
  #66  
Old 04-10-2011, 04:01 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,191
Default

Hmm. LR, first of all to say someone is "always" doing this or that is obviously an exaggeration. Of course, that's not all you talk about, but you are the manager of the household, a 24-hour job, and need to discuss things with your partners.

And besides, you don't have to hold back and censor what you need to talk about just because Maca is uncomfortable with hearing it. At the risk of sounding kinda funny and convoluted, his problem with your "always" talking about "problems" is just that -- his problem, but he's tried to make it your problem, as if you now need to change your behavior. But that's a passive-aggressive way to get out of the responsibility of listening to you, truly hearing what you have to say, and doing what needs to be done. I don't think he did this purposely, he's probably just not comfortable with consistently looking at issues, I guess.

But really, as long as you communicate clearly and lovingly, you shouldn't have to change a thing. Why doesn't he try changing his perspective and approach to hearing what you need to tell him? Since he is the one who sees your need to discuss important family and relationship matters as a problem, I would say he's the one who need to work on it.


((((BIG HUGS))))
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-10-2011 at 04:19 AM.
Reply With Quote