Thanks. I had a nice talk on the phone with my mom today. GG is working on printing up my mom's invitations to her graduation (college), so she can send them out this week. She's pretty excited.
Unfortunately, my sister brought it to my attention that my stepmother sent our oldest son a FB message. Told him that my dad and her deposited money in his bank account (bday gift). That would be fine, except they neglected to even call the younger son for his bday (in February) and we have always had a TIGHT rule on playing favorites particularly since we have a "his, mine and ours" household. It just creates animosity between the kids.
Soooooo, now there's this stupid mess to talk about.
Maca told me Thursday that the reason he doesn't talk to me is because I always want to talk about "problems"...
I'm so frustrated. I don't want to talk about problems. It's just OUR JOB TO RESOLVE the damn problems in our family, how the hell do we do that together if we don't talk about it?
I feel like sitting down to cry. I'd go take a bath, but the hormones FINALLY got around to starting my time of the month and the idea of sitting in icky water.... well that's icky.
I don't know what to say to Maca right now.
I understand we need time to "just be" (which is what our Friday nights are supposed to be, "date night"). But, there's also a lot of fucking shit that needs to be dealt with in order for our family to be able to get on track together. PLUS all of the NORMAL day to day b.s. that has to be negotiated and handled in a family....
What the hell am I supposed to do? I just don't know.
I don't feel like I can say ANYTHING now. If I say ANYTHING-it's going to relate somehow to a "problem" we need to deal with... but the other option is to "surface" the conversations into 1st or 2nd level (reference from The 7 Levels of Intimacy book by Matthew Kelly) of intimacy, which is basically worthless in terms of a deep meaningful relationship.
I admittedly feel pretty fucking hopeless right now regarding our relationship-which in turn impacts everything else in my life.
It's GG and my's anniversary. But, honestly, what I really want to do tonite is have a drink, curl up in my sleeping bag and go to sleep.... by myself. I don't feel like being someone's lover. I just want to be alone.
That doesn't seem so fair to GG. But, it may be what I do anyway, because it's my job to take care of me right?