RP, I think I followed her a little better than you. OP discovered she might be bi, talked to her hubby. They agreed to each have one relationship outside their marriage. She started a relationship with her female best friend, while her hubby got a girlfriend. She slept with her bf (best friend) once, but decided not to continue persuing a sexual relationship with her because her bf's hubby doesn't know his wife is bi.
OP and her hubby wanted to move their relationship into a triad or a V at some point in the future with hubby's gf moving in with them. Due to their being military and being in a poly relationship being against the UCMJ (Universal Code of Military Justice), OP and hubby decided to get a paper divorce, so that hubby and gf would not be prosecuted for their relationship. Hubby is caught up in NRE and has decided he now wants the divorce to be real. He wants to be with his new gf, but doesn't want to give up OP. So until he moves to be with gf, he (and gf) want OP to stay living with him and continue their relationship and move it into a LDR after hubby moves away.
OP isn't sure she should put up with this, especially since hubby doesn't want her to date other people in the meantime.
IMO, she should put her foot down. She has the right to see other people if he does and if that's what they agreed to. If she's not seeing bf anymore, she should (according to their agreement) be able to date one other person. If she doesn't want a divorce, she doesn't have to sign the divorce agreement, though that will most likely lead to what none of them want - the military finding out about her hubby's affair.