To have a boundary that you are not to do anything sexual unless you four are together is understandable if he has broken boundaries before. I can see why some time should pass with this boundary so as to build trust. It sounds like you had no boundary and decided after to make ones because of your emotional reaction. Actually it sounds more like a rule to me. That is a bit different.
I think you are being a bit hard on them for something that was a learning curve, not broken boundaries. I would hope that you have a bit of give in your new boundary sooner rather than later. Unless you are swinging and there is to be no emotional connection allowed between you all. Some swingers agree to no sex outside of the group of four or three so as to assure (apparently) that connection won't happen and it all just be about sex. It sounds like your situation is a bit different and that you have connection.
What do you hope to gain by this situation? I don't see any room for a future here. Quad sex gets old pretty fast usually. It's fun at the beginning, but eventually those involved develop more feelings for certain members than others and want alone time. It sounds like that is happening, why not go with that? They are not the people you dated before, and if there is not some give, I would think that they would either move on to people that have less rules and more boundaries that are fluid. Either that or they will start expressing their own desires to change things.
I don't get why you are calling all the shots here. It sounds a bit controlling to me. On the other hand, if they are willing to wait it out until you are comfortable then that is a lovely gesture... I just think that you would be doing everyone a favour if you pushed through a bit and opened it up a bit. Maybe its time for some one on one dates.
As to no gestures in front of kids. That makes sense to me... especially at this early stage.
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