So here I blog...
Back it up now. Ok so my past.
This is a strange subject because I never thought of myself as particularly promiscuous. But apparently according to statistics of the time I was (shared by 2Rings
) However, I doubt much of that data is reliable. Why do I doubt it- most women my age learned to deny sexuality, and have only just started opening up. That's my opinion of course and my own experience.
As I said my first sexual experience was later than most (late 17) and totally my initiative. I had the goal of getting it over with- I was more curious than interested in the boy romantically. I was in my Patrick Swayze phase- and he looked like Patrick Swayze, or so my gfs who were at Beach Week with me thought, I agreed. The sex- not anything to write home about, I got the basic concept but wasn't insistent it happen again. Since he was a random boy I met on the beach, I never really looked back again. It was a fun week, and he served his purpose of experiment.
The second experience was an entire year later. And completely changed my life. I was in love for the first time, and it happened pretty fast and lasted a loooooooong time- in my head. In my head because it was mostly an LDR after the first year, and we never made sacrifices to be permanent. He had university and then his career that took him all over the world with a base in London. And I had university and did my thing here when I returned home to Pennsylvania. We were in love. Funny enough he said it first because I was too afraid to sound like the clingy, girlfriend. Again, he was a summer love that lingered. But the one whom I consider my first lover. I was extremely close with his family. His sister was my flatmate in Dublin. His brothers were regulars at our house. And he was an on-again, off-again lessee of my bed.
Although we never formally moved-in together. We spent most nights and weekends together at my flat. His mom is a lovely woman-American, a professor for whom I worked when I lived in Ireland. I did kind of odds and ends assisting for her. She ran the university's exchange programs, was/is on the Irish Film Board and of course taught courses in Irish and American Lit. So she needed help with keeping on task with the little things. I did that as I studied politics and worked in the Dail as an intern. It was an awesome time.
But like anything when you are 18/19, it doesn't last. Especially if you are both headstrong, busy and restless people. We were. Breakup was tearful. Enough said about that. He was romantically in and out of my life for years. Until I married Hubs. Strangely, because I am so close with his family still, Hubs has become close with 1stLove's eldest brother, and our children are all friends. We have vacationed together etc. Both 1stLove's twin and youngest brothers have offered to house my kids if they do study abroad programs over the next two years. Funny how life evolves and unfolds.
Ok so break-up occurs and I am free to explore. Of course I am really into and aggressive about sex. He awakened that in me. Lovely. So for the next 3 years or 4 years I had a pretty healthy and steady string of lovers- approx 23 with varying degrees of sexual practices explored; and one encounter that was more of an assault on me than consensual sex.
Is that alot over 4 years? The majority are friends with benes, and to this day I am in touch with most, if not all. A few random hookups, the result of drunken lust. One steady bf for about a year and half and then I meet hubs. The man I was with before hubs, was a very good college friend with whom I ended up getting more romantically involved. We should have stayed friends w/out benes because I broke his heart when I fell in love with hubs. I still feel really bad about it.
Ok so here is where I am confused- is it slutty to be sexual with friends? I mean I was pretty acquainted with most of these guys before sex. There are probably a little more than a handful that I would not consider friends or were just random. Ethical slut maybe? 2Rings thinks I was slutty. Hubs never really asked about my past. He said when I broached the subject, "our history starts now, what do I need to know? You are healthy, right? Enough said."
I say I was sexually healthy and socially gregarious. My thinking was more masculine than feminine on the subject.
Now, looking back. I had such a hard time not loving my lovers on some level...I mean they were friends first. And as I said with the exceptions of a handful, they were not just sexual partners. Not just there for the act of sex. So it was probably the beginnings of polyamory for me. AND, I never fell out of love with 1stLove, not even when I fell in love with and married Hubs. The social norm dictated I be monogamous when I married, so I was. In the physical sense, but I still loved 1stLove, for over 2 decades! He is married with children. We stay in touch. The longing for him is not there anymore, but I will always love him...
(to be continued)