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Old 04-09-2011, 05:30 PM
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ray ray is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
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@ Indie - Thanks, I'm working on the boundaries part. It's much easier when he's not around. In a few weeks, though I'll have to start seeing him again. I know it'll be harder then. He's pretty manipulative and he knows my weaknesses. I keep imagining Gandalf in the scene in Moria. Where he's like Yoouuu shall not passsss! lol I just wish I had a cool staff and could make him fall into a giant abyss where we then do great battle. And I win.

The last day or two has been tough. I have been missing him and who I thought he was. Just blue and down. No matter how many things I can list about how he's kind of an asshole or the relationship wasn't working, I'm still in love with him. This morning I'm feeling a little better. The couch surfer is pretty cool, we had a good conversation last night about health, food and various other issues in the world. And a marion berry pie. My dinner last night was tater tots and pie. Definitely comfort food.

And I found out this morning that my therapist is going out of town for awhile. (eek) So today we're going to make arrangements for me. I don't know how long she's going to be gone. I'm hoping it's not more than a few weeks. I get the feeling that I'm higher on the list of her patient in terms of being high-risk. She tends to do more counseling orientated helping people find themselves as opposed to more clinical stuff. Guess that makes me high maintenance.

On top of everything, it's the end of the semester so I've got a lot of school work to do. And while I was super-depressed and suicidal, I didn't do much homework, so I'm very behind. I'll be glad when the semester is over. I think I finish up at the beginning of May, almost there! And I really need to clean my room. I spent about 10 minutes picking some stuff up. I don't think I've bothered to pick up anything in almost 2 months. It'd be nice if I could push pause on life while I catch up.

Next weekend, there might be an orange belt test for two women that I train with and I feel like I really want to be there to support them. Not a lot of women test and so it's an important occasion. But I know that O will be there and I'm not sure I'm ready to jump that hurdle yet. I just feel bad letting R and D down but they don't know about the relationship. Hmmmmm...

I think I'm going to buy sneakers today. I have wrestling shoes for training and skate shoes that are kind of sneakers but they're not good for running. I'm thinking I'll get Aesics. Now I just have to figure out what store to go to. Then I can go to the gym and have something to workout with if I want to train there or work the heavy bag or something.
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